I don't know when or where it happened, but I am a person who punches walls and throws cell phones when I'm angry. I used to laugh in the face of my best friend's little sister who is pretty much "insane," but more and more, I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty crazy. I have my reasons though, and it's not like I hear 15 voices in my head, one of which includes the Devil.
I guess it's kind of weird but I totally believe in PMDD. I've been watching commercials about treatment for it and even though it's just really popular in the media lately, I decided to check it out more. I kept an online tracking of my symptoms for a couple months and then pretty much noted when I had violent outburts (which is quite common unfortunately); however, nevertheless, every month for about six months has been a violent one in the ten days that many women have PMS.
Anyway, decorations aside, I'm pretty sure that my anger is uncontrollable and has been since I was a child. I have dealt with it pretty well for a long time now. My new aggression now emerges only once a month. I am so hopeful that some medicine will help me straighten out the hormones that "growing up" totally misplaced.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I'm never going to get a job
I really don't want to get a job. Ever. My dad tried to give me a job speech. I mean, I had a job once... I worked at a greenhouse and lifted flats of plants. Hard work, I swear. And I did it all, but I hated it. I didn't hate being there- it was pretty and hot during the summer and money is good. I just don't really need the money and I'd much rather be doing something fun for free.
I don't want to work. I just can't help it that I'd rather sit around and do nothing. I'm in school and I don't need to make myself a living! I hardly spend money except to get food. I just need a way to get mass amounts of money fast for my savings. Because I admit, I have an affinity for expensive bags, sunglasses, shoes and clothes. It works just fine, though, transferring a little of my checking into my savings from each month's allowance from daddy.
Next purchase is a chanel bag. A lot of my savings is going towards it, but I still feel like my income is enough to get me by. If I ever get a job, it's an internship working at a corporate firm. That way, I am actually contributing to my future. But you will never see me working a 9 to 5 in some cubicle where my ideas don't count for shit. Not until I'm the CEO making millions.
I don't want to work. I just can't help it that I'd rather sit around and do nothing. I'm in school and I don't need to make myself a living! I hardly spend money except to get food. I just need a way to get mass amounts of money fast for my savings. Because I admit, I have an affinity for expensive bags, sunglasses, shoes and clothes. It works just fine, though, transferring a little of my checking into my savings from each month's allowance from daddy.
Next purchase is a chanel bag. A lot of my savings is going towards it, but I still feel like my income is enough to get me by. If I ever get a job, it's an internship working at a corporate firm. That way, I am actually contributing to my future. But you will never see me working a 9 to 5 in some cubicle where my ideas don't count for shit. Not until I'm the CEO making millions.
So I guess we all win?
I've had a good time relaxing and trying to avoid my anger management problems. Turns out that I'm not very good at avoiding them at all. My mother so graciously did my laundry while I was home. She annoyed me a little but it was fine. My dad said something about getting a job and I kind of flipped out but without input from him thank god. So no thumbs up or down for the home experience. Mother did, however, hurt my beautiful $150 fur sweatshirt.
It might have been the cold air of the dryer or the heat from on top of the dryer, whatever, but I said don't put that sweatshirt in the dryer. The poor thing looks like a matted sheep as opposed to what it used to look like- i little bear boa. How sad. Noticeably sad, I sat in the bathroom at 2 am combing inside my jacket and the hood. I did that a couple more times over the next week when no one was home.
I decided it was rather futile to go any further brushing my wounded kitty. I gave up and lint-brushed it and wore it. Some girl wearing the same sweatshirt made me kind of freaked out about the transformed sheep wool I was now wearing. ew. Anyway, the stupid jacket got me all linty just like the 80$ sweater I bought from victoria's secret that makes me sneeze and look blue for days after wearing it. gay.
Christie knows how to wallow in her sadness, so she kills two birds with one stone. Mother gave me the idea to buy one off ebay. Couldn't find it so I bought a maroon one (the one I originally wanted). Today, I won the auction for a creme one like my original, however it just has a mini moose (I like it better than the old). SO I GUESS WE ALL WIN. but I definitely didn't need the hardships.
It might have been the cold air of the dryer or the heat from on top of the dryer, whatever, but I said don't put that sweatshirt in the dryer. The poor thing looks like a matted sheep as opposed to what it used to look like- i little bear boa. How sad. Noticeably sad, I sat in the bathroom at 2 am combing inside my jacket and the hood. I did that a couple more times over the next week when no one was home.
I decided it was rather futile to go any further brushing my wounded kitty. I gave up and lint-brushed it and wore it. Some girl wearing the same sweatshirt made me kind of freaked out about the transformed sheep wool I was now wearing. ew. Anyway, the stupid jacket got me all linty just like the 80$ sweater I bought from victoria's secret that makes me sneeze and look blue for days after wearing it. gay.
Christie knows how to wallow in her sadness, so she kills two birds with one stone. Mother gave me the idea to buy one off ebay. Couldn't find it so I bought a maroon one (the one I originally wanted). Today, I won the auction for a creme one like my original, however it just has a mini moose (I like it better than the old). SO I GUESS WE ALL WIN. but I definitely didn't need the hardships.
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