Jazz-band wannabes

I am so glad that school is over and that I can relax. even for just a day. I have an exam again on Monday, but I will be prepared. I refuse to stay up all night again. I'm still catching up on sleep.

There is a big improvement in the weather outside. I actually left my house and went shopping at Sak's. probably defeats the purpose of getting out, but I did buy nice jeans for a discount. But it depends on what you call a discount.

I am going to make an effort to study, but it is 2 pm already and I just woke up. Booooo I love Saturdays because I don't really have to do anything. I probably will do something though.

Why do I hear trombones and fucking saxophones? OH. Because there's a little jazz-band wannabe group playing on their deck next door. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

I HATE realtors (visiting my house every day)

I was wondering all day why there was a police officer just hanging out in the middle of the marsh chapel square. I'm not completely sure, but I'm assuming it was because (as I later found out) three school buses crashed or some shit. They just so happened to be blocking the interesections of every street after packard's corner. So the bus dropped us off and I was forced to walk the extra three blocks to my apartment.

The thing is that there were people randomly stopping on the sidewalk to stare. There was no one in the school buses and the ambulances all went by like an hour before. I even saw guys taking pictures of a school bus that apparently looked damaged but I didn't notice. I really hope they were reporters. I felt like I got home faster just beause I was passing by all these people that slowed to rubberneck. who cares, man.

this shouldn't be public knowledge, but the door to my apartment lobby won't shut behind you anymore. You either have to pull it shut from the stick that lacks a doorknob, or push it from the other side really hard. Most times, it won't even close with force from either direction. So i write a nice note for the door on some junk mail; it says: "Please close the door behind you. if you continue to leave it open, you risk your safety and mine." I go down to get food and someone had ripped it up... not only that, BUT THE DOOR WAS OPEN AGAIN. like, come on, can you make the extra effort to try to close it? you live here too. Anyway, the next step is going to the realtor, but they are so ghetto.

Alpha Realty: NEVER EVER LIVE IN THEIR HOUSE.

Don't give me that plague

I hate the feeling of a lurking sickness. Living with multiple people has its consequences; when one person gets sick, you're already on your way to having the sickness, too. Yesterday, Joey and I were complaining about how weak we felt (it doesn't help that I had to fight someone and broke my finger). Today, Joey was sick and I was not. Uh-oh. Now, like tonight, I'm all the sudden feeling that bronchitis cough that Joey has.

But it's not just my worrying that is making me think I'll get sick. Joey just threw up. I HATE THROWING UP. Last time someone in the house got sick, I was throwing up less than three days later. ALL NIGHT. Please, please, please don't let me throw up again.

I am a worrier, though. As soon as Joey told me he threw up, I got nauseous and immediately took a vitamin. He says, "If you already have it, you have it. There's nothing you can do." This is not the time for sicknesses to be taking over my control and attacking me from the side where it hurts. I have papers to write.

I usually take the advice not given

So I was all set to rant about how bus drivers suck and how I waited in the rain, but then I realized that I already did that last post. booooo. I will not leave you empty-handed, however, because I do have a small but noteworthy bus-driver error: today, as usual, the stop ding rang for my stop and I was suprised when a lot of people got up to get off there. Ok, great. And then the bus driver doesn't stop at the bus stop. I think he may have realized that there were a lot of people standing, so he stopped a block later. People grumbled off the bus like "what was he thinking" which is my response EVERY time it happens to me. He very well would have kept going to Kenmore if he didn't realize how many people noticed he skipped the last stop. What an idiot is all I can say.

I have had a lot of work to do as I'm sure everyone else in the freakin' world has had. I am doing very well at managing it compared to past problems. Since i my computer's (or shall I say old computer's) accident, I have been trying hard to take things a step at a time. This mainly means trying to tackle some papers before they're due. No success at all in terms of taking a step at a time in dealing with my anger management.

I'm really good at giving advice about pretty much everything. One thing I know is that I never listen to my own advice or I just can't figure out how to apply it to my own life. What has never happened before happened today: I realized that the advice I was about to give was something I could apply to my own life. What is more important is that I realized that my advice was wrong for me and for anyone else. But it was wrong because I wasn't giving advice; I was narrating to someone what I practice daily and what contributes to my anger problems. One step at a time is the answer. I think I finally gave myself advice (even if it was wrong at fist).

It's a sad day when bus drivers need to meet qualifications for the job

I've been so busy writing papers that I don't even have time to sleep. And when I want to sleep, I'm hyped up on caffeine from Pepsi. I can't drink caffeine, period. I should know this already. I drank pepsi two nights in a row and felt like everything alround me was blackening and yet my computer screen kept keeping brighter. Spots, the like. I just don't get along with caffeine. I really love the taste of Pepsi and ultimately it gets to me when I drink a whole 2 liter while writing a paper. I don't really like the way it feels on your teeth though. I used to think it was just Coke that coats your teeth. but ew. Soda is just unhealthy.

No sleep, lots of Pepsi. I feel done for the night and for the week so it's going to feel good to sleep tonight. I kind of don't know what to do with myself though. It's pouring and I almost want to go out to the store because I'm bored. I think I'm just so happy to be done... I've been doing this for a week and a half. grrr.

I stood out in the rain waiting for the bus for 40 minutes today. One passed me, half full, seats open. another passed out of service. What an asshole. I almost planned on telling the next bus driver that the one passed me. I got on and people looked at me weird because I looked so much more drenched then everyone else coming in. my hands were wet and couldn't even hold on. so I press my stop and it dings and says "stop requested" and then he doesn't stop. UNBELIEVABLE. so I yell "can you stop the bus" and he stops a block too late. I really can't believe this transit system. I did get off the bus saying "you are a fucking idiot" but I didn't have to say it because he must have some idea when he's getting paid minimum wage.

Growing up is hard to do

I don't know when or where it happened, but I am a person who punches walls and throws cell phones when I'm angry. I used to laugh in the face of my best friend's little sister who is pretty much "insane," but more and more, I'm starting to realize that I'm pretty crazy. I have my reasons though, and it's not like I hear 15 voices in my head, one of which includes the Devil.

I guess it's kind of weird but I totally believe in PMDD. I've been watching commercials about treatment for it and even though it's just really popular in the media lately, I decided to check it out more. I kept an online tracking of my symptoms for a couple months and then pretty much noted when I had violent outburts (which is quite common unfortunately); however, nevertheless, every month for about six months has been a violent one in the ten days that many women have PMS.

Anyway, decorations aside, I'm pretty sure that my anger is uncontrollable and has been since I was a child. I have dealt with it pretty well for a long time now. My new aggression now emerges only once a month. I am so hopeful that some medicine will help me straighten out the hormones that "growing up" totally misplaced.

I'm never going to get a job

I really don't want to get a job. Ever. My dad tried to give me a job speech. I mean, I had a job once... I worked at a greenhouse and lifted flats of plants. Hard work, I swear. And I did it all, but I hated it. I didn't hate being there- it was pretty and hot during the summer and money is good. I just don't really need the money and I'd much rather be doing something fun for free.

I don't want to work. I just can't help it that I'd rather sit around and do nothing. I'm in school and I don't need to make myself a living! I hardly spend money except to get food. I just need a way to get mass amounts of money fast for my savings. Because I admit, I have an affinity for expensive bags, sunglasses, shoes and clothes. It works just fine, though, transferring a little of my checking into my savings from each month's allowance from daddy.

Next purchase is a chanel bag. A lot of my savings is going towards it, but I still feel like my income is enough to get me by. If I ever get a job, it's an internship working at a corporate firm. That way, I am actually contributing to my future. But you will never see me working a 9 to 5 in some cubicle where my ideas don't count for shit. Not until I'm the CEO making millions.